14 Years of Marriage Has Changed My Idea of "Romantic"

January 4th is a special day in my world. The day that I said, "I do" to my man, Clayton.

14 years ago today, I stood on my Dad's arm, waiting for the doors to open for me to walk down the aisle to Clayton.  Right before the wedding march began, my Dad asked me if I was nervous. I smiled and said, "Nope!"
 
I honestly was not nervous about walking down the aisle to be married. The thought of, "til death do we part" was not scary to me, it was exciting. I was a few feet away from beginning the chapter of my life that was handwritten by God. I was marrying the man God crafted for me and me alone. That was not scary- it was amazing and exciting!

From the moment Clayton and I started "talking" way back in the day, I always knew he was the one I wanted to marry.  I knew it when he was flirting with another girl at our college and I made it pretty clear when I had enough of that! So, I did something I had never done before. I took the lead and made my intentions for him blazingly obvious while we were out to eat with a group of friends. What I did was pretty risky and so completely out of the norm for me, that he raised his eye brows, looked across the table at me with a shocked expression and then erupted with a big ol' grin, just for me. Keep in mind, the other girl was sitting right next to him at the table. My heart was pounding, but I knew it was my time to man up and get the job done, before I lost my chance.  Good news is, it worked! Fast forward 2.5 years and I was standing in a fluffy white dress next to my Dad.

I wish I could go back to the bride standing behind the closed doors, waiting for the wedding march to start and tell her a couple things about the journey she was beginning with her man.  The number one thing I would tell her is this; pray for your man every single day, even when you don't want to.  DO IT! Your man needs your prayers more than you will ever understand.  Second, your idea of romance will soon change. Embrace it!

In the beginning, being romantic is easy.  Jewelry, gifts, designer purses and fancy dinners are romantic and fun, but they are not the pinnacle of romance.

                     Self-Sacrifice is the most romantic thing your spouse could ever do!

Over the past 14 years of marriage, Clayton has done some pretty outstanding, romantic things. But honestly, the most romantic thing he has ever done was this past November, when we were leaving Haiti.  Our 2 week bonding trip with our 3 sons had come to an end and after we hugged and kissed our 3 #littlemenmeyer goodbye, we walked back to the room we were staying in and just held each other and sobbed. That moment remains the most romantic moment ever.  My man had obeyed God's leading our family to these 3 older boys (17,13 & 11) in Haiti, even when family and friends advised us not to do it. Clayton said YES, and because of that, we had just had the most amazing 2 weeks of my entire life, getting to know our 3 new sons.  His obedience showed me a new meaning of romance, a self-sacrifice that I had never before seen.  Clayton was willing to give up a lot, in order to follow God's leading to our sons.  As we stood there in that room, hugging each other and sobbing, both our hearts were now broken for God in a fresh way.  Leaving our 3 sons caused our hearts to break together in a way we have never experienced, and it was very emotional and sad, but very beautiful too.

Over the past 14 years, we have walked hand in hand through 6 miscarriages, infertility, the birth of 2 healthy babies, 2 job losses, my 10 foot/leg surgeries due to 11 years of chronic nerve pain, a 39 month adoption journey (that is not over yet) and now we've crossed an ocean to meet our 3 new sons.

As I think back to that conversation with my Dad, I would still answer my Dad the exact same way. What I said then is still true today: I am not nervous about my future with Clayton, I am dog-gone excited and I trust God with our future.

Adopting Haitian Brothers: EXCITING Adoption Update!

Check out our exciting adoption update. We would be so grateful if you would share our adoption journey on social media with your followers.

Adopting Haitian Brothers: Exciting Adoption Update!: After 13 months of virtually silence, we received an incredibly exciting phone call today from our adoption agency. The IBESR in Haiti has...

How I walked through multiple miscarriages and infertility with God. (Part 2)

Part 2.

After my fertility Doctor and I shook hands, I went home and waited for ovulation to begin in 2 weeks...

Low and behold, 3 weeks later I just knew I was pregnant. I knew within days of conception, which is kinda odd and probably hard to believe, but I promise you, I KNEW!  I went to Target and bought several home pregnancy tests, but each test I did said negative. So, I would buy another test and wait for the next morning so I could take another test. This insanity continued for 6 days. I was driving Clayton nuts each time I would ask him to look and see if he saw the tiniest hint of a second line on the pee stick.. Neither of us could see a second line on any of the tests, all 6 tests were negative.

It was July 6th, and I had just put our son to bed and I was standing in our office just complaining to Clayton that I just KNEW I was pregnant but all the tests continued to say negative... He just looked at me kinda like the dude from the Youtube video (Its not about the nail) and I told him to stop it, because I KNEW I was pregnant. He continued to look at me like that dude... (hilarious video if you haven't seen it yet.)

I then marched off to the bathroom and on the way there, God said to me, "Dude, check the trashcan." So I did. I pulled out every single negative pee stick, all 6 of them and laid them out on the counter on a towel. My eyes bugged out of my head and I went absolutely nuts. Every single test had changed to positive! All 6 tests were positive. I went running into the study holding all 6 pee sticks and was freaking out with excitement. Of course, Clayton was extremely grossed out and could not get past the fact that I dug the tests out of the trash and was holding them. HA!

The next morning, I went in for blood work at my fertility clinic. My Doctor told me that my levels needed to double within 48 hours in order to begin an intense hormone therapy regimen.  48 hours go by and my Doctor called me a little before 7 am. I was sleeping when he called me so I very sleepily said, "hello?" The very first words out of his mouth were, "Mrs. Meyer, you are not pregnant. Your lab results were 0, no trace of any pregnancy hormone. Please come in as soon as you can get dressed."

I sat up in bed, in utter shock. All I could think was, "how do I have 6 positive tests, but yet my blood work is negative??"  I hurriedly got dressed and took off for the clinic, with my son in tow.  My Doctor took more blood from my arm for additional labs he wanted to run and while I was sitting in the exam room, he explained that I had already lost the baby. He assured me that there was no longer a baby and while he said he was hoping for a better outcome, it would be so rare for someone with my diagnosis to have a positive pregnancy so quickly.  I left his office, and once again, sat in my car in the parking lot, trying to gather my emotions.

As I sat there, "4th miscarriage" was echoing all over my heart and mind.  I didn't know how I would be able to endure a 4th, but rather than lose control of my emotions, I immediately bowed my head and prayed for God's peace. I asked Him to help me be a good Mama to my precious son who was in my rear view mirror.  As I continued to open my heart up, I told God that I was at peace with His will and that I wanted His plans, more than anything I could come up with on my own.  My heart was so genuine as I shared this with God.

I could not have said this earlier in my infertility/miscarriage season. My heart was finally able to lower our guard completely down and allow God access to not only my entire heart, but also my entire life. I truly wanted His best, His future for me, not mine.  I had never in my life experienced such amazing peace as I did in that parking lot that day. The more I gave God access to, the more peace I experienced. I drove away from that fertility clinic with no tears, just a calm assurance from God, that He had me right where He wanted me.

I drove home and laid on my bed, just waiting for the migraine to set in. With the previous 3 miscarriages, I would get a 15-19 day migraine as soon as my body would pass the baby.  As I was laying down, I was still at complete peace. My phone rang and I noticed it was my fertility Doctor calling.  I am not going to lie, I was hesitant to answer it. I just did not know if I could bear any additional bad news. I was finally at peace, I did not want to add anything that might send me into another emotional tailspin.

My curiosity quickly became greater than my fear, so I answered the phone. It was my Doctor and the first words he said to me were, "Mrs. Meyer, I need you to sit down and promise me something. I need you to promise me that you will not ask questions once I give you my news. There was a long pause and he said, Mrs Meyer, you ARE pregnant. I have been doing this 30+ years, and I have never once seen anything like this. Your levels were at zero, but now, they are more than doubled what they should be at this point. I can not explain how this is possible. There is no medical explanation."

I was now sitting on the edge of my bed and as I listened to my Doctor speak, I felt the presence of God in my bedroom as I was receiving the most amazing news of my life. The baby that I was told I had lost to miscarriage, was alive and thriving!  I still get teary when I remember the extreme gratitude and sheer joy that overcame my body. I hung up my phone and literally fell to my knees on the floor, crying and praising God for this unbelievable news.

To this day, I firmly believe that as I sat in that parking lot giving God complete control over my life, my womb and my future, that He gave me my daughter back.

My belly grew and grew over the next few months and our baby that had less than a 20% of survival, was 100% healthy and beautiful when she came flying out like a ninja, 8 months later. My first night holding my daughter in my arms, I rocked her and tried to memorize every tiny detail of her precious face. As I held her tight, I could not control the sobs that erupted from my body as I held her and stared at her.  I was so eternally grateful that God heard my prayers, He knew and understood every single tear I had shed after every single miscarriage and He so lovingly answered my heartache with my precious, blue eyed beauty.  As I write these words, tears are falling, because I am still in such awe that God so graciously and miraculously gave Clayton and I our daughter. When I look at my blue eyed beauty, I am consistently reminded of Gods goodness and that He knew and understood every ounce of pain I had, in the season of waiting for her. I am so, so glad I chose to trust Him when He was asking me to put my fears aside and try just one more time, after miscarriage #3.

Now, as I share these details with you, especially if you are struggling with infertility and wish you could have an ending like mine, if you gain nothing else after reading this, please hear me. A baby will not bring you peace.

Only God can bring you peace in the midst of the waiting, and in the midst of the grief after a miscarriage.

I can promise you this, if you seek God with all your heart during your season of waiting and grief, you will find peace. Your ending may not be what you think you want, but it will be what He wants for you and that my friend is the best ending ever! He makes no mistakes and always knows what is best.  Be patient as you wait. Trust God with your womb and your heart.  He can be trusted, because He is such a good, good Father!

If you haven't already, check out the Bible App reading plans and download my free 7 day miscarriage reading plan, "Walking through miscarriage with God."
~kim

ps. We still have 3 more miscarriages to cover, so be looking for part 3 soon.

Walking Through Miscarriage With God - Losing a child through miscarriage is devastating and lonely. All the excitement and joy you once had for the precious life inside of you is now instantly gone. It is crucial that these emotions are handled carefully and intentionally. No matter how long its been since your miscarriage, there is comfort and healing to be found when walking with God. Only God can give the peace and comfort needed in miscarriage.

How I walked through multiples miscarriages and infertility with God. (Part 1)

Miscarriage and infertility are topics that many are uncomfortable around. Some will go to great lengths to avoid talking to those who are struggling with infertility and/or miscarriage.   I however am not shy about this topic, because it is a topic that I am all too familiar with. 

When my husband Clayton and I decided to start a family, we had no idea that God was going to walk us through several years of infertility and many dark days after each miscarriage. But, before the dark days began, we had many, many happy ones! God so graciously blessed us with a son in 2010 and I had a normal, healthy pregnancy.  As soon as our son turned 1, we started trying for a second baby, because it had taken us almost a year to get pregnant with him.

It was at this point that my miscarriage season began and I had 3 miscarriages, back to back.  
As soon as my miscarriage season began, my relationship with God changed in every way possible. With every positive pregnancy test I had, I would hit my knees praying (more like begging) that God would allow us to keep the baby. And each time I lost another baby, I would lay on my bed sobbing for God. As I cried out to God, I would beg for Him to bring me His peace and hope, as I laid in bed during those extremely dark days. 

As soon as my body would pass the baby, a 15 - 19 day migraine would set in. A migraine that kept me hiding in a dark room, unable to do anything because the pain was so bad. During those miserably dark days, God did not leave me all alone, He was with me for every single moment of those days.

I submerged myself in the Bible, completely saturating myself in His Words.  Because I was crying out to God in a way I had never done before, He was answering me in ways I had never before experienced.  Now, I never audibly heard His voice, but I could hear His voice internally. There is NO denying that! 

After my third miscarriage, Clayton and I were referred to one of the best Fertility specialists in the OKC area.  I am not a quitter, but my fear of losing another baby was so paralyzing, that I was ready to throw the towel in.  I was terrified that trying to get pregnant again would be setting myself up to experience another traumatic loss and I didn't know if I could endure losing another baby.  After 3 miscarriages, I genuinely didn't think I was strong enough to endure a fourth.  

Rather than just saying NO, I took a quite a bit of time praying about our next step.  I prayed for God to give me courage to try for another baby. On the other hand, I sincerely felt like I was letting Clayton down, by allowing my fears to dictate my willingness to try for another baby.  The more time I spent with God, the clearer His instructions became to me.  God was asking me to have courage and make an appointment with the fertility specialist. Ultimately, He wanted me to trust in Him, because He is the God of miracles.

 As we walked into the fertility clinic, I had just the tiniest sliver of hope.  

After our first fertility appointment, I endured multiple tests, all of which were uncomfortable and painful. We waited a little over a week and then went back for all the test results. We went into the Doctors conference room, where we sat down and I nervously tried to prepare myself for the news we would be receiving. As soon as the Doctor entered the room, he sat down next to me and then quite frankly told me that I would be unable to conceive a second child. Just like that, no easing into this news, he just blurted it out with no compassion or tenderness.

Nothing could really prepare you for news like that. I actually tried before that particular appointment, to prepare myself for the worst case scenario, because that is what I do. I always try and prep myself with the worst possible outcome, so in case it does happen, I am not surprised.  So, when I actually did hear the devastating diagnosis "unable to conceive," I was speechless while feeling a sense of devastation I had never felt before.  I rushed out of that conference room as quickly as I could. Once I got to my car, I strapped my son into his car seat and then had an emotional meltdown in the parking lot. 

It felt like someone had punched me in my stomach and knocked the wind right out of me, leaving me unable to breathe.  I can still feel those hot tears as they poured down my face.  I sat in my car rocking back and forth, telling myself, "breathe, just breathe" over and over as this devastation sank farther and farther into my heart.  As I sat there, I could feel a part of my heart slipping away, while that tiny sliver of hope I had at the beginning, was now smashed into a million pieces.

Once my breathing was under control, I turned my radio to K-Love and then began sobbing, while pouring my heart out to God.  I was so confused. Why did He ask me to trust Him and go through all those fertility tests and appointments, just to have my heart completely crushed?  As I sat in my car, I asked God to help me trust Him and to overwhelm me with His peace and comfort.  

Over the next week, I continued to pour my heart out to God. I surrounded myself with worship music and spent hours in the Bible. During that emotional week, God continued to ask me to trust Him and was firmly nudging me to call my fertility Doctor, to ask that he help us try one more time for a baby. This request sounded absolutely crazy to me, considering all the details that went along with my particular diagnosis. It also sounded completely crazy to my fertility Doctor! 

I went ahead and made another appointment with my Doctor and as I sat in the exam room, we talked openly about what I was asking. I explained to him that I felt like we needed to try one more time, before we officially gave up.  Of course, he made it crystal clear that this was such a long shot and it would not end with happy tears.  But, he reluctantly agreed with one condition. I had to promise him that I would not put the blame on him if I lost another baby to miscarriage. I agreed to his terms and while we were shaking hands on the promise, he looked me squarely in my eyes and promised that he would do everything and anything he could think of, to increase my chances of a successful pregnancy. 

To be continued.... I will be sharing more of my infertility/miscarriage story over the next few weeks.

If you are currently in a season of miscarriage and/or infertility, please know that you can trust God with your heart. Give Him the pain and heartache in your life, He can handle it!  He is so good, especially when we do not understand why we have to experience heartache and loss. 
Download my free miscarriage reading plan, "Walking through miscarriage with God" on the Bible App (its completely free)!
Walking Through Miscarriage With God - Losing a child through miscarriage is devastating and lonely. All the excitement and joy you once had for the precious life inside of you is now instantly gone. It is crucial that these emotions are handled carefully and intentionally. No matter how long its been since your miscarriage, there is comfort and healing to be found when walking with God. Only God can give the peace and comfort needed in miscarriage.

You are NOT alone as you walk through your own difficult season.  God's peace is available to you and I can promise you, nothing will ever compare to the peace God gives to us when we are hurting and grieving. We simply have to ask for it! 

A 7 day reading plan (free)

Adopting Haitian Brothers: Answered Prayer.

We received an awesome answered prayer this morning. Please read our most recent blog post to hear how God is working in our adoption. We are so, so excited to bring our 3 boys home from Haiti and God is using so many of you to help our family!



Adopting Haitian Brothers: Answered Prayer.: THANK YOU, THANK YOU for praying this past week!  God has answered our prayers in a mighty way.   The Haitian Children's Judge signed ...

Adopting Haitian Brothers: January- A month of waiting...

Here is our most recent adoption blog update.





Adopting Haitian Brothers: January- A month of waiting...: We wanted to say, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, to those who have been donating and sharing our adoption journey on social media. We are so apprecia...

Adopting Haitian Brothers: Year End Donation

Please consider making a year end, tax deductible donation towards our #littlemenmeyer adoption fund. We are so grateful for every single donation.  Please share!



Adopting Haitian Brothers: Year End Donation: Looking to make a year end, tax deductible donation? Please consider helping our family as we pursue our 3 boys, our #littlemenmeyer. We cur...

Losing Tucker.

Since I was 11 years old, I dreamed about having my own boxer puppy. I was obsessed with boxers. There was a time when I had plastered my bedroom wall with pictures of dogs. Most adolescent girls my age were obsessed with Hanson or Back Street Boys or JTT. Me, I was obsessed with dogs, football and guns. Ha, I have never been normal! 

So, in October 2008, my dream of 15 years was FINALLY coming true. I was in the car heading to Walters, OK to pick up my very own fawn boxer puppy. This was back in the day where we actually looked in the newspaper for puppy ads! The ad I called about said she had 2 male pups left. She emailed me a picture and I had to pick which male pup I wanted her to hold for me. The picture she sent was adorable, but as soon as I saw this picture, I instantly knew which one I wanted. One pup had a pretty face. His markings were perfect, to perfect actually. Whereas, the other pup, he had more personality in his face and his markings were awesome. I told her the one we wanted and we would make the 2 hour drive to pick him up, the next day!

I was giddy with excitement and when we walked into this woman's home, we were greeted by 9 fawn boxer puppies. It was puppy heaven! I had studied the picture she sent me so much, that I instantly knew which pup was mine. I picked him up and my heart grew about 5 sizes in that moment.  We named him, Tucker Lincoln Meyer. I had wanted to name my boxer puppy Tucker, for many years. 

Tucker instantly became our baby. We did not have children yet, so we pampered him like a baby and he was so, so spoiled. I slept on the floor with him the first few nights home. He slept draped across my neck. He loved being able to feel my heartbeat while he slept. I got up more at night with Tucker, than I ever did my own children as newborns. He was always sleeping on us or in bed with us, he hated being away from me.

Fast forward two years and he helped welcome our son home from the hospital as a newborn. Tucker was immediately in love with our son Jett. Clayton brought home one of the blankets Jett had been using in the hospital, so Tucker could sniff it. Tucker was so excited and very curious while getting the first sniff of his new brother. Once he came home, Tucker was immediately in love. Whenever Jett was laying on the floor, Tucker was always next to him with his head touching him. If Jett was laying on his boppy, Tucker was next to him. Tucker LOVED the boppy. He thought it was the most cozy pillow ever created for dogs. You can imagine Tuckers excitement when we brought the boppy down from the attic when our daughter was born! He insisted on her sharing it with him.  Tucker was exactly what I had hoped he would be like with kiddos. He was gentle, so patient and always wanted to play with them. He was very protective of his babies and I knew, he would do whatever it took, to keep them safe.

I have had 5 painful miscarriages in-between God blessing us with 2 miracle babies. After each miscarriage, I would lay on my bed sobbing and Tucker would lay next to me in bed. He would lick the tears off my cheek as I cried. He was always by my side, so sensitive to me and knew when I was hurting. Over the last 10 years, I have had 10 foot/leg surgeries and he has been by my side for 6 of them. I have lived with chronic nerve pain the last 10 years and Tucker always knew the days that I was hurting really bad. He was glued to my side. He never left me when I was crying. Never. 

About 2 months ago we noticed Tucker (7) was running into things, stumbling occasionally, not wanting to play and was sleeping most the day. These symptoms came on suddenly. The final straw was when he walked right into our pool and then could not get out. Had I not jumped in and got him out, he would have drown. We took him to the Vet the next day. The Vet believed he had a mass sitting on a branch of nerves, which had caused him to go blind (explained all the running into stuff/pool incident) and he was going to get much worse, quickly. He was losing control of the left side of his body.

I felt as though I had been punched in the stomach while sitting in the Vets office getting this diagnosis. I couldn't breathe and it felt like a terrible dream. I lost it. I held Tucker and sobbed and sobbed. Our Vet had her colleagues (4 other Vets) in the office look at Tucker. They watched him outside for over 20 minutes and they all agreed on this diagnosis and unfortunately, there would be nothing they could do even if they found the mass. They suggested additional testing, which would be around $2,000. We are in the process of adopting 3 brothers, our #littlemenmeyer from Haiti and we could not afford to do the tests. Every free penny we have goes in the adoption jar. I love Tucker with every part of my being, but we knew, God did not want us to put this $2,000 on a credit card, because there was no way we could come up with that kind of money so quickly.  

So, three weeks later, it was Thanksgiving time. We traveled up to Iowa to spend Thanksgiving with Clayton's Grandpa.  Gramps loved Tucker and Tucker had always traveled with us everywhere we went. He had been to Gramps house several times, so even though he was blind, we knew he would be able to get around. Once we got there, Tucker got much, much worse, very quickly. On Thanksgiving day, Tucker was howling in pain for long periods of time. It was horrible. I texted our vet that morning and she told us to increase the pain medicine and to give him Xanax around the clock to help make him more comfortable. By this point, he could not walk from the pain. Clayton was having to carry him everywhere. He would not eat so we were hand feeding him wet food. He would not drink so I laid him on my lap and used one of the kids medicine syringes and squirted water in his mouth, 1 tsp at a time. He was miserable and it broke our hearts to see our baby suffering. On Thanksgiving evening, we knew, we needed to make the worst decision ever. 

How do you tell a 5 year old boy that his best friend is going to die in a few hours? Jett's entire life has been with Tucker by his side.They were glued to each other. They were brothers and best friends and it broke our hearts to have this hard conversation with Jett. A conversation that he was old enough to remember the rest of his life.

On our last night together, I slept on the floor with Tucker, just like we did on our first night together. I laid next to him on the floor crying, when in typical Tucker fashion, he lifted his head and laid his face on top of my face. I did not get much sleep that night. Tucker was in a lot of pain and was very restless so every twenty minutes I was waking up to help calm him down. 

The time came for Jett and Keira to say their final good-bye to Tucker. When Jett got down to say goodbye, Tucker lifted his head and put his mouth right on Jett's cheek. That was such a special gift for Jett. By this point, Tucker had not been able to move for over 6 hours. God arranged for that special moment. For Tucker to say good-bye to his boy, with a kiss. No one else got that special gift, just Jett and that made me so happy as I cried.  I put worship music on while Clayton and I had some alone time with our baby, for the last time. 

The moment I was dreading finally came. I held Tucker in my arms with my face next to his face. I rubbed his cheeks, kissing him, while sobbing. Clayton was by my side, his hands on Tucker as he cried.  I told Tucker to go take care of our 5 babies and to go run to Jesus, and then he was gone. My heart was shattered as I held my motionless baby. He was gone.

God gave us exactly 3 weeks with Tucker after the bad diagnosis. God is such a good, good Father. He gave us 3 weeks to pamper Tucker and say our good-byes. I am so grateful for those 3 weeks. Seven years with Tucker were not enough, no amount of time would have ever been enough. He was my faithful companion, my baby, my protector and the best dog ever created. It is not possible to have a better dog than Tucker. 

Had Tucker died while we were home in Oklahoma, we would not have been able to bury him. But, because we were in Iowa at Gramps farm, he was buried on the farm. We buried him where Clayton spent countless hours as a child, where we had spent a lot of time as a family and it was Tucker's favorite place in the world. God arranged for Tucker to die in Iowa, so he could be buried in a spot that was special to us and would be in the family for generations. God cares so deeply about us, He knows how much we loved Tucker and even though He didn't heal Tucker, He is still a good, loving God.

We are still grieving for Tucker. He was not 'just' a dog to us, he was a special member of our family. I know this grief and heartache will lessen with time, but right now, we miss Tucker so much. Jett is having a really hard time, he misses his buddy and it breaks my heart to hold him as he cries for his best friend. It has been 19 days since our boxer baby passed away, but in these past 19 days, God has been so close. Psalm 34:18 (nlt) "The Lord is close the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed" One of my favorites verses is, Psalm 119:28 (nlt) "I weep with sorrow; encourage me by your word." When I am grieving, I go to God.  God gives such incredible peace and comfort as I cry out to Him. A peace that only God can give. 

 God is so good, especially in the hard times! 

Our last family picture with Tucker. 

My dear friend, Anna, graciously gave us a free family 

photo session just after we found out Tucker was dying. 

These photos are so special to me.

Adopting Haitian Brothers: Our 1st Adoption Grant Opportunity!!!

Adopting Haitian Brothers: Our 1st Adoption Grant Opportunity!!!: We have some very EXCITING news to share with you!  Our family has been selected by Lifesong For Orphans, to receive a $5,000 matching ad...

Adopting Haitian Brothers: The Beginning of #LITTLEMENMEYER

Adopting Haitian Brothers: The Beginning of #LITTLEMENMEYER: We are Clayton and Kim Meyer from Edmond, Oklahoma and our family is 2 years into a journey of adopting 3 Haitian brothers, our 'Little...

Adoption Update!

Happy October!

We are currently 22 months into an international adoption. We have a soft referral for 2 brothers, 10 & 12 who are living in an orphanage in Haiti. Yesterday, my husband and I shared another big update about our adoption. We have been asked to try and adopt the boys older brother as well, He is 15 and will age out of the adoption system in December. Once he turns 16, he is no longer adoptable. Another family had been pursuing him, but were unable to submit their paperwork in time.  Our dossier is complete and has already been submitted to the IBESR. 

My hubby and I prayed and prayed and prayed about this decision. After discussing this with godly friends and our Pastors (we attend Life.Church,) we knew, God was asking us to say YES. So, we are now trying to adopt 3 boys! We still have some pretty big obstacles to overcome. We must have a signed referral from the Haitian IBESR by Christmas day, December 25th.  We also have a TON of money to raise.  We thought raising money for 1 child was going to be challenging.  Ha, 3 is HUGE! 

If you would like to follow our adoption journey, we have an adoption blog: Adopting Haitian Brothers  and we have a gofundme account as well: Adopting Haitian Brothers by Clayton Meyer - GoFundMe

We would sincerely appreciate it if you would share our blog as well as our gofundme account with your social media followers.  We are relying on God to provide every single dollar we need.  The adoption blog has current info as well as a breakdown of what financial needs we have. Our family has saved and raised over $19,000 for our adoption so far.  Now that we are adopting 3 boys, we need to raise $55,000 in order to bring them home.  

Please pray that God would provide every single dollar we need and that we would get the official referral before Christmas day! 

All I want for Christmas is a signed referral so we can add 3 sons to our family!

Clayton, Kim, Jett and Keira Meyer

'Little Man Meyer' is now 'Little Men Meyer'

This is a rather long post but I really wanted our family and friends to hear all that went into such a big decision for our family... 

On June 3, 2015 my life was forever changed in a single moment.  It was the end of the day and I was laying in bed getting ready to shut my light off when a post on our private Facebook Haiti adoption page got my attention. It was a post from the Director of our adoption agency and she shared a photo and asked all of us adoptive families to pray that a forever home could be found.  I looked at this photo and immediately something happened in my heart.  Out of nowhere I was so overcome with emotion, I had tears streaming down my face, just from this one photo.

Once I stopped the tears, I got out of bed and showed the photo to Clayton who was watching tv in the living room.  He smiled when he saw the picture and commented on how cute it was. We went to bed and I prayed a forever home would be found.  The next day I could not stop thinking about this photo.  I looked at it several times through out the day and I wish I could express the emotions I felt every single time I looked at it.  Later that afternoon I texted Clayton and asked if he would mind if I emailed our Haiti Director asking for more info about the picture.  He immediately texted back saying that it was fine.  We have been in the adoption process for 18 months and have NEVER done anything like this.  I had never asked Clayton this question before so I honestly did not know what he would say but I just knew I needed to ask.  I have heard so many heartbreaking stories, seen so many pictures of precious kiddos who need to be adopted but NO picture had ever affected me like this one.  I sent the email asking for more info and went back to packing. 

We were packing to go camping for the weekend and I was so consumed with this picture that I eventually had to stop packing and go to my favorite place to pray. I knelt down and prayed for God's wisdom. Were these feelings from Him? Why was I being an emotional basket case? How did He want to use this picture in our lives?  After praying for awhile, I had the confirmation from God that we needed to pursue a little more.  Ask more questions.  Get more information.

We left to go camping for the weekend and we were setting the tent up when I got an email back with more information.  Jett and Keira were running around the campsite playing while I read the email.  I was immediately fighting the tears away.  My heart was now truly broken.  Now that we had this info all I could ask was, "what do we do with it God?"  Over the last 18 months of waiting for our Little Man, I have prayed that God would give me the same maternal instincts and love for our Little Man that I have for my biological children.  I kept wondering to myself if what I was feeling was because this photo was meant for me?! Was this the maternal instinct and love that I had been praying for?  I prayed the entire time we were camping and the following week Clayton and I prayed frequently asking God for direction and wisdom.  

When our home-study was completed back in August 2014, we were approved for 1 little boy, aged 1 to 3 years old.  We needed to update our home-study by the end of August 2015 in order to keep it current and after this picture, we wanted to make the necessary changes just in case God was asking us to pursue any further.  To have our home-study changed in order to be approved for the faces in the picture would be extremely difficult!  We knew it would be only God who could make this happen!  You see, the picture that I saw was nothing like what we imagined our "Little Man" would look like.  The precious faces in the photo that stole my heart were 2 brothers, who are 10 & 11 yrs old!  Only God!!

We were right in the middle of leading a marriage study with our Lifegroup called, "You and Me Forever" by Francis & Lisa Chan when all of this was happening.  This marriage study is pretty much the main reason we were even considering pursuing these boys.  Francis & Lisa Chan had hit me to my core about what I believed my life looked like as a Christian and what I was spending my life pursuing.  Was I going to spend my life focused on myself and my families happiness or was I going to pursue serving and loving God first and foremost.  If God was to ask you to do something hard, would you trust Him over your fears about how your family would be affected by this service to God?  It really challenged me in such a good way.  Hence, we are in this situation being presented with the biggest decision of our entire lives. Would we be willing to trust God through adopting 2 older boys even though there were so many reasons to be afraid and say no?! !

{Side note, if you are married, I beg you to please read this book!}

Clayton and I have prayed extensively, asking God for His direction and leading. We fasted, prayed and asked our Lifegroup to pray for us.  The moment we realized that God might be asking us to pursue these precious boys, we immediately asked our Lifegroup to pray for us. We knew they would pray earnestly for us.  We were able to talk it over quite openly with our Lifegroup, explaining all the pros and cons and they were such an encouragement to me.  Not one person in our group tried to talk us out of it but rather asked questions, prayed with us and encouraged us to seek God.  

I felt God telling me to seek wise Godly counsel so I stayed after church and spoke to my Pastors wife, Cindy Beall.  My goodness, she is such a Godly woman!  I knew she would give me wisdom straight from God.  I explained what was going on and she listened intently and then she told me to ask God for one word, a promise that I could stand on.  A one word promise, not a huge explanation saying 'why' He wanted us to do this but, one word that would give clarity.  She gave me other bits of advice but the 'one word' was what God had stand out to me.  I had tears rolling down my face as we spoke and then she hugged me and prayed.  That night and then the next morning I prayed specifically asking God for one word. While sitting on the couch with my Bible open, the most incredible moment with God took place.  Not only did He quietly whisper one word, but He gave me a specific Bible verse and I kid you not, the second He gave me my word and verse, the next 2 songs on my radio were 100% about the word He had given me! Talk about an answer straight from God! 

Over the last 8 weeks we have had some pretty big obstacles to overcome if God wanted us to pursue the boys. We had to complete more training, submit lots of paperwork and spend hours on phone calls and at Dr appointments. All this just to see if this is truly what God wanted for our family.

This photo was in my news feed on Facebook  just moments before I saw the photo of the boys. Coincidence? Definitely not! God was using this picture to encourage me to have faith in Him right from the very beginning!

This past week we got the answer we have been praying and waiting for. It was a YES!!  We have been approved and are now allowed to pursue our boys!  We are so excited to share that we are officially pursuing our 'Little Men Meyer'!! 

We do know their names and have 1 photo of them but are not allowed to share them.  We love their Haitian names and have no intention of changing them. They are losing absolutely everything they know and we do not want to take their names from them as well.  We do not know when we will get to go meet them or when they will be home but we do know it will be in Gods timing. We have A LOT of money to raise and save now that we have 2 kiddos to bring home and are praying that God will provide every single dollar we need. 

We are currently waiting to get the official copy of our updated home-study which should arrive this week and then we will be able to submit the request to change our immigration form in order to adopt 2 children.  Once that immigration form is signed and translated, our dossier will be submitted to the IBESR! Once in the IBESR, we wait until they issue us a formal 'referral' for the boys.  Right now what we have is a 'soft referral.'  Once the referral is issued, Clayton and I will travel immediately to Haiti to meet the boys and spend about 15 days bonding with them!  We are not allowed to have any contact with our Little Men until we have a formal referral. We are hopeful that because they are older waiting children, our dossier will be expedited.  Clayton and I are so very excited to begin this next chapter in our lives!  We hate that they have to spend another day living in an orphanage but we are trusting in God's timing, not ours.  

Here is how you can pray specifically for our family:

• Our Little Men's safety, well-being and that they would have loving nannies to care for them until we can bring them home.
• For Clayton to get additional contract work so we can add more money to the adoption jar.
• That God would provide every dollar we need to finalize our adoption but also for the strength and emotional support we need while we wait.
• For Clayton and I as we train and prepare for the intense care the boys will need once they are home and transitioning to a new family, culture and new everything!
• That our dossier would be processed quickly and with no errors.

 

Surgery, Rashes and Lies.

Life can be so hard sometimes. Like the kind of hard where you want to throw in the towel, give up and tune everyone out.  My current season is hard and full of physical pain.

Surgery #10 on my foot/leg was 3 1/2 weeks ago and I am in the recovery stage, yet again. This has been a very slow and painful recovery.  I have been feeling so overwhelmed with pain and extremely frustrated with all the restrictions in my life.  

3 weeks before surgery #10, I was doing water aerobics in the pool when something 'popped' in my calf and then terrible pain set in.  My Dr determined I needed another surgery to repair the issue. So, for the last 6 1/2 weeks, I have been in severe pain and completely unable to walk or do anything other than laying down with my leg on a pillow.  Not my idea of a great time! I am a very active person and I do not enjoy being still but that is all I am able to do.

While laying on the couch a couple weeks ago I wanted to know why I have been so frustrated this surgery, more so than the previous ones. I needed to figure out what my issue really was.  I am the most unemotional woman I know. I do not cry, like ever. Someone has to die for me to cry. As soon as I woke up from surgery in the recovery bay at the hospital, I laid there in excruciating pain and cried for over 4 hours straight. The Dr's and nurses were unable to get my pain under control and my blood pressure was going crazy from the pain so they had to admit me to the hospital. Once home from the hospital, I lost count of how many times I broke down in tears. I was in tears constantly. Obviously, the pain was significantly greater this time around and I had a severe allergic reaction to the adhesive they covered my incision with. Because a member of the surgical team was negligent and ignored my allergy warning, I now have a massive rash  over and around my incision. Blisters formed over my incision. It felt like hundreds of bugs were crawling over my leg 24/7 and I was completely unable to itch it because of how fragile the incision was. I went through 3 boxes of Benadryl in 1 week. I was in excruciating pain, I had the worst rash of my life which made me feel completely miserable and I was so frustrated with my physical restrictions.

Previously, when I have had surgery either my children were not born yet or, my youngest was a tiny baby who was easy to contain and so content to snuggle with me in bed all day.  Now, she is running around getting into everything and cannot sit still unless she is restrained in her highchair for a meal. She is currently in the stage of intentionally provoking her older brother who is 4 into an argument, she intentionally steals his toys and runs away which is just asking for a fight or, she is climbing like a monkey on every surface she can get her beautiful hands on. My daughter is 2 and is the most amazing miracle from God and even though she is such a feisty firecracker, I love her spunk and passion for life. 

Being a stay at home Mama is my passion, my calling in life and I LOVE taking care of my family. When I boiled it all down, I realized the reason I have been so frustrated and emotional is because I am unable to take care of my family.  I am dependent on others for help.  My kids have learned over the last 6 weeks that I cannot do anything for them except offer hugs and kisses so they go ask someone else to help them, not me. I want to be the primary care giver to my family but I cannot be that person right now and it breaks my heart. Hence all the emotions and tears. 

I have had to miss out on some really fun family outings because it is not safe for me to leave the house so I stay on the couch while the family goes out. I give kisses, hugs and wave 'bye-bye' while blowing more kisses and then, I am all alone. It was in those moments where my emotions would take over. I quickly realized that while the family was gone, it was imperative that I make myself read my Bible and my Bible study books so that my negative thoughts could not take over and bring me down. 

We all have fallen prey to those negative thoughts at one point in our lives.  These negative thoughts are from our enemy, Satan.  Here are some of the lies that he was feeding my mind: 

• You are so broken and disabled, you will never get better. 
• This is going to be your life. You will always be in pain. 
• Your family does not need you. See, they are doing just fine without you. 
• What kind of an impact do you think YOU can make from the couch in pain. 
• No one cares about you, you are just an inconvenience to your family and friends.
• You are so boring and have nothing to offer to anyone.
• Your kids will grow to despise you because you are always in pain.

I have learned that God does not try to condemn me, He wants to convict which will lead me to make changes that please Him.  Satan condemns. Satan wants me to feel defeated so that I give up and go into a deep depression which would cause me to completely ignore my family and those who need me.

Praise God that I knew those thoughts were from Satan. Praise God that I did not believe those lies. Regardless if I live in pain the rest of my life, I do not have to be a slave to my fears.  I am a daughter of the King, and my Father will provide the courage and strength to face each painful day, one at a time.  God has surrounded me with such a loving husband, 2 ridiculously amazing kiddos, parents, 2 sisters, my entire in-law family and a massive army of friends who love God and ME!

It is so easy when life is hard to think that you are alone and no one really cares about you. My friend, that is a lie from the pit of hell.  God is absolutely crazy about you and He alone is all we need. He can provide the love and acceptance we crave.

If you have made God the King of your life, acknowledged that Jesus lived a sinless life, was crucified, died and then rose from the dead 3 days later, YOU are a child of God! You are an heir to Gods Kingdom! Let the gravity of that truth sink in.  When we truly understand what God has done, what His grace has done for us and that we belong to Him, it will change your life, your mood and every facet of your life. Ain't nobody got time for Satan's lies when we are a child of God.

I am slowly getting better, slowly learning to walk again and each day, I can do something that I was not able to do the day before. No matter if you are in a recovery period like me or struggling with depression, relationship issues or financial issues, please know, God is always with you. We are never alone! When Satan tries to condemn you, just remember, he is feeding you lies because he hates the children of God.

• John 10:10 Jesus said, "The thief's (Satan) purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My (Jesus) purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life."
• 1 Peter 5:8 "Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour." 

 God is always good! He can be trusted and will never ever leave you because He is crazy in love with YOU!  Open your Bible, spend some time reading about what He has done for you and I promise, He will reveal Himself to you and you will never be the same.  When I am feeling down and frustrated with my circumstances, that is the biggest red flag that I am desperately in need of quiet time with my God. Don't continue on in life feeling defeated and believing the lies from Satan. Turn to God and search for His truth! Gods truth is all that matters.

Lukewarm to HOT!

This week at lifegroup, we briefly talked about living out our faith in real-life situations. I have been thinking a lot about this topic throughout the week and wanted to spend some time studying what Gods word has to say about it.

James 1:22
(niv) "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says."

(nlt) "But don't just listen to God's word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves."

(msg) "Don't fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear!"

I believe it is crucial to know what Gods word says but more importantly, we need to ACT it out. What kind of impact will your life have on others if you only have a head knowledge and do not obey God's word in real life situations?  Living out what we know to do is not easy.  It is much easier to be lazy and lukewarm Christians. In the book of Revelations, Jesus addresses the laziness of the church in Laodicea. Laodicea was a wealthy city who had become proud, arrogant and lazy for God.  The believers in Laodicea did not have a backbone- they did not stand up for what they knew was right, instead they just went with what society wanted them to accept and were neglecting what God wanted them to do.  This church is very similar to the churches of America.  How many of us have become 'tolerant' of the sin around us?  We say nothing about the rampant sin in our society for fear of what others will think or say about us.  Sin is sin! The Bible has made it perfectly clear what sin is and how God feels about it.  But why do we sit back and turn a blind eye to the evils surrounding our country? 

Revelation 3:15-16 (nlt)
"I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! But, since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!"

Lukewarm water is disgusting. Occasionally I will leave a half-drank water bottle in my car and the next time I go to take a drink its lukewarm and its gross.  This is how God views us believers who have become lukewarm in our faith. He thinks we are gross and it disgusts Him.  Such strong words but He tells us this because He loves us and wants our hearts close to His.  

If we, the church, were truly living out what the Bible says, can you imagine the world we would live in? It would be on fire for God!  Our churches would be exploding with people trying to get in, there would be no more orphans or a single hungry soul alive. Why? Because God has commissioned us to reach the lost, the hurting, the orphan and the hungry and it is the churches job to be reaching these people in His name.  I do not know what area of your life you are lukewarm in but I know  most of us have become lukewarm in some area.  Many of us will go to church on the weekend but the second we get in the car to drive away, the sermon goes to the back of our brain instead of to our hearts. We usually start thinking about our next meal or the plans for the rest of the day rather than discussing what the Pastor talked about.  When we are spending time in the Word, at church as well as at home in our own personal study, we will apply what we learn to our lives, we act it out, we make decisions based upon it and we want more of it! 

Just this week I have become very aware of my lukewarmness and have already started taking steps to turn the heat up in my personal walk with God so that I can improve.  I want my time on Earth to matter eternally for God.  I want to be a doer, not just a hearer and this is something God expects me to do.  America and the rest of the world needs the local church to step it up, we have so many people who are hurting and in need and it is our job to help, not the governments!  We all have different gifts and talents so there is something you can do to help.  The number of orphans is continually rising, the number of children in foster care is rising.  Please pray for wisdom to see if you might be the one God is asking to step up and help.  Just do something! Please do not be just another lukewarm Christian, act out what you know God has instructed us to do.  Make daily decisions based on Gods word, not what society wants us to do! We must be the church in our dark world. 

People Pleasing = Havoc

Feeling stressed, frazzled or overwhelmed with the choices you have made? Have you ever wished you would have said, "NO" to something someone asked you to do? Me too! 

At the end of chapter 2 in "Own Your Life" Sally Clarkson asks, "What activities or relationships create the most havoc? Steal your energy? Produce life-noise that keeps you from quiet and peace?"

I have been thinking about these questions and here are my thoughts. 
The havoc takes over when I do not create enough margin in my day and basically I over-commit.  I stretch myself to thin and wear myself out by 2:00 in the afternoon.  When I leave margin in my day, I am not stressed or frazzled.  I am able to stay organized, my husband and kiddos are not receiving 'stressed out Kim' and basically I just feel better.  When I am stressed and frazzled, my pain level rises, I do not sleep well at night which in return makes me a grizzly bear and once again, my pain level rises.  Over the years I have learned that my nerve pain is very connected to the amount of sleep I get and the stress I carry.

To help boil it all down,  I decided to figure out where my time was going and what was causing me to be away from home.  This is a typical week's activities that require me to be outside my home:
Church
Lifegroup
Women's Bible Study 
Mama's Bible Study (every other week)
Zoo with the kiddos
Mama's Lifegroup Playgroup
Grocery shopping/Errands

Over the last couple months I have intentionally tried to create more margin so that I am at home more.  I have found that when I am away from home frequently, I get behind on cleaning, laundry and my organization goes right out the window.  It becomes a crazy cycle!

The book, "Own Your Life" as well as "The Best Yes" have challenged me to be more aware of my time. my goals and my purpose.  When I am over-committed, trying to please everyone and be involved in to much, I am setting myself up for failure and burnout.  I hate telling people no. I hate the feeling that I might be missing out on something fun!  I have learned over time that if I am questioning whether or not to do something, I need to pray about it, ask my husband what he thinks and spend some time to think about it rather than just saying YES! The more connected we are with God, the more His Spirit will give us those 'red flags' and cause us to slow down and really evaluate the options before us. 

I want to be intentional with my time.  I want my husband and kiddos to be getting the best me I have to offer, not the tired grumpy version.  People pleasing is an addiction for some, just like drugs or alcohol are for others.  There are serious consequences to being a people pleaser.  Being a people pleaser guarantees we will miss out on the better things in life when we are unable to say NO and really pursue the better options God has for us. 

I highly highly recommend you read "The Best Yes" and "Own Your Life."  Turn the tv off for 30 minutes each night to find time to read if you feel like you have no margin in your life right now for reading.  We make time for what is really important to us.  

It is so easy to become overwhelmed with life and just continue to go with the flow rather than stopping the crazy cycle.  I am learning to stop saying 'yes' without prayerfully considering how God wants me to spend my time.  I would much rather say yes when I know it is what God wants me to say yes to! 

Liar Liar Pants On Fire

Lie: a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood.

When a woman is pregnant, she daydreams about life with her unborn child.  She wants the absolute best for him or her.  Not many parents-to-be sit around and daydream about the day they tell a lie to their child just to make them be quiet.

Examples of lying to kids:
1) Driving by ToysRus and the child starts fussing about wanting to go to the toy store and the parent says, "the toy store is closed right now. The toys are sleeping so we cannot go there today."  It is the middle of the day and they can see the store is most definitely open.

2) Trying to enter a museum with children and the parent lies about the age of their child so they can avoid paying the entrance fee.

I could go on and on with examples of lying.  Our children do not learn lying from other kids, they learn it from their parents.   If Mama and Daddy lie to their kids, why wouldn't they in return start lying?  Lying can temporarily make the situation easier but not for long. Lying is always wrong.  Always.  We like to color-code lies. Do you use white lies, black lies or red lies?   Regardless of whatever color you put in front of it, it is still a lie.  Go back and read the definition of lie.  "deliberate intent to deceive."  Do you intentionally want to deceive your children? Why is it that so many parents lie to their children daily? 

Set the example for your children. Titus 2:7-8 says "And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching. Teach the truth so that your teaching can't be criticized. Then those who oppose us will be ashamed and have nothing bad to say about us."

If we want our children to live lives of integrity, we must model that integrity day in and day out.  Children learn best from example, not long lectures.  If we model a life of integrity, that will leave a lasting legacy for our family.  Proverbs 22:6 "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."

Why are parents becoming so weak?  We try at all costs to avoid disciplining our children. We do not like to see them upset or have to deal with their tantrums so a lie is created to make the bad behavior temporarily stop.  Why not just state the truth, give a consequence for the behavior if it continues and then follow through with the punishment?  It may not stop immediately but if you hold your ground consistently, the behavior will stop.  When kiddos learn that their parents mean what they say and speak the truth, they in turn learn to respect your authority.  It is hard to respect someone when you never know if they are being honest or deceitful.

The Bible is very clear that a person who lies is considered a fool.  Don't believe me? Spend some time reading Proverbs.  King Solomon, the wisest person to ever live, has some pretty intense things to say about weak foolish parents and those who do not speak the truth.

It is time to set the standard high for our families.  Stop the lies and speak the truth! James 3:8 says this about the tongue, "It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison."  It is a daily battle to speak life giving words and not lies.
Proverbs 15:4 "Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit"
Colossians 3:17 "And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus..."

I totally understand that speaking the truth is not always easy but when done with loving words it is "sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." Proverbs 16:24.  
Lying is sin.  Even if you have good intentions behind the lie, it is still wrong.   Lets set the example for our families and speak truth even when it is hard!